Monday December 3rd 2007 was one of the hardest days of my life. Things happened on the 1st Dec. that have fucked me up forever. But on the 3rd - reality started to kick in. And since then it has slowly but surely started to take over. Reality bites.
So on the afternoon of December 3rd I had to drive - on my own - 85kms to Wollongong. Normal enough trip. Ive done it hundreds of times in my life. But this was the first without my girl next to me. We would go there for BBQ's. We would go there for dinners. We would go there to hang at Johann's palatial mansion. We would go there for Schnitzel at the club. We would go there to see some version of Sean's performing self. We would go there for weddings. We would go there for shopping. We would go there for nothing. We would go there to hang with Danny.
We would go there to hang at Headquarters in Cabbage Tree Lane. It was there that I fell for my girl back in November 1999. Big couches. Big tables. Small dogs. The magic month.
And now I was going back there to arrange her funeral.
I stupidly ignored Sean and Fiona's advice to not drive there on my own. Stupid. After the hassles of traffic through Blacktown I eventually got on the road past the nuclear reactor. I waved to Mr. Burns as I always do. The road clears of traffic along that stretch and at that time of the day it was clear driving. Not many cars around. I can remember Springsteen's Sad Eyes playing and I started crying. Probably the hardest I had since Saturday. And for the next 45 minutes I didn't stop. I couldnt see the road for most of the trip. I probably dehydrated myself. Every fucking song on that mix CD made me cry. Even Hole's Malibu. Why??? I just don't know. I don't know anything anymore.
What I do know is that it felt good to get it out of me. Whatever it was. I cant name it.
So im driving down the mountain. That same gorgeous view ive seen for the last 30 years of my life. And even the view made me cry.
And then this song came on the mix CD. And it hit me hard. Ive had "that" feeling from a song before. Some of you crazies might know "that" feeling. It occurs when the music take over you. You feel the music. You become the music. It owns you. It hits you. An example might be the opening minute of Stevie Ray playing Voodoo Chile or seeing I Will Follow for the first time live or seeing the Girls On Film video as a 11 year old (or a 31 year old) or the solo in Time (3min 30sec).
"To some, music is a distraction in their life. To others, music is the soundtrack to life's distraction's" - Adam Baker
"Without music, life is but which a few dates that bills must be paid" - Frank Zappa
Ive always liked Cold Chisel. Great Australian band. No bad songs. All good songs. Brilliant musicians. And ive always liked this song - its a standout track from a band with an amazing back catalogue. I saw Steve Prestwich perform it at the Bridge Hotel back in 2004. Gary, Bill and i were there to see Tice & Evans. They were cool, but I so totally got my $5 worth when Steve sang Flame Trees.
Artist: Cold Chisel
Album: Twentieth Century
Song: Flame Trees
Kids out driving Saturday afternoon pass me by
I'm just savouring familiar sights
We share some history, this town and I
And I can't stop that long forgotten feeling of her
Try to book a room to stay tonight
Number one is to find some friends to say "You're doing well
After all this time you boys look just the same"
Number two is the happy hour at one of two hotels
Settle in to play "Do you remember so and so?"
Number three is never say her name
Oh the flame trees will blind the weary driver
And there's nothing else could set fire to this town
There's no change, there's no pace
Everything within its place
Just makes it harder to believe that she won't be around
But Ah! Who needs that sentimental bullshit, anyway
Takes more than just a memory to make me cry
I'm happy just to sit here round a table with old friends
And see which one of us can tell the biggest lies
There's a girl falling in love near where the pianola stands
With her young local factory out-of-worker, holding hands
And I'm wondering if he'll go or if he'll stay
Do you remember, nothing stopped us on the field
In our day
Oh the flame trees will blind the weary driver
And there's nothing else could set fire to this town
There's no change, there's no pace
Everything within its place
Just makes it harder to believe that she won't be around
Oh the flame trees will blind the weary driver
And there's nothing else could set fire to this town
There's no change, there's no pace
Everything within its place
Just makes it harder to believe that she won't be around
So im driving down the mountain and the words just flew in to me. And it was just perfect the way they felt at that very moment. And it felt like it was meant to be - that the song was meant to come on the stereo at that moment in my life. No other song would have fit more perfect at that time.
And I recall how certain lines in the song just jumped right out and slapped me:
We share some history, this town and I
I grew up here. My family is from here. I was schooled here. I became who I am here. I fell in love here.
There's no change, there's no pace
Everything within its place
Wollongong wont ever change. It will have a few facelifts. But it will always be a what it is. Sure its no hick town. A quarter of a million people call it home. But the place will always have a feeling to it for me. Home.
Who needs that sentimental bullshit, anyway
I can recall being worried about Yvee's things. I still am. What do I do with them? Where do i put them? What do I keep? Where do I keep them? And this line felt like a message. I still havent found what im looking for in the previous questions. But at that time the line of the song made sense. Still does.
Takes more than just a memory to make me cry
Agreed Jimmy. Agreed. It can be a song too you know.
I'm happy just to sit here round a table with old friends
Like what I mentioned in my Inxs - Dont Change post. I want normal. I want things like they used to be. Im a simple person. I want my girl. I want my friends. I want us together being normal. All I Want Is You.
Just makes it harder to believe that she won't be around
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