Fade To Black....

I haven't listened to a lot of Metallica lately. The odd song here and there, but nothing like the old days (ie every day from 1991 to last year). Ive been drafting something to post here about the band - the music, the shows ive seen, the times hanging out with them (ok - im showing off now). I have about 15 posts in draft mode ready to post, but I want to make them good enough to read for the 4 of you - so you will come back.

But anyway, this song - this fucking song. It just owns me. Rarely is there a time that I don't get spine tingles when I hear it. And it happened tonight at the gym. The version I was listening to is the one from the Live Shit: Binge & Purge box set they put out back in 1993. Its overproduced to the point where you can barely hear the rabid Mexican fans in the background, but the mixing of this live album brings the stunning audio and production quality of the Black/Self Titled album to the ears of the listener that makes you feel like you are there. Its just amazing.

So anyway, back to the song. Lyrically it just hits me like a freight train. It did back in the 90's when I was an angry young man with a chip on my shoulder. And now 16 years later it hits me even harder. A lot of the topics in the song are just too close to home at the moment. I often have to remind myself to keep going. I often think about not going forward. I often think about leaving. But theres a few things that stop me doing any of the above. These things ive briefly discussed with some of you. Some are internal that will stay there. But as someone who on a daily basis needs to remind himself to keep going, I can see where the character in the song's head is at. I believe its not himself James is writing about - but rather a person close to him or a character in a book he was reading. James gets a lot of inspiration from books. I get a lot of inspiration from James.

Some lines that really jump out at me right now:

Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else

There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try


And the last line. Man that last line just fucking rips right through me. But im not going to write about that last line. Im sure this post will get the Save Adam brigade all upset - don't be. Just understand that my heads not quite right and at times im not ok. But also understand that 95% of the time im absolutely fine. Its just that this song summarizes how I feel at times. But know this - I do have a reason to go on. I do have a reason to continue. I just need to remind myself of the reason sometimes. I have so many great times (theres only one bad time) to reflect on over the last 13 years. And that helps me. Two things help me at the moment - memories and music. If either are taken away from me then we might have some problems.

Phew.

Heres a video from the Channel [v] broadcast from 2004 Metallica show at the Big Day Out. Im at this gig. I got to the the barrier somewhere in front of Rob. I'm with Chris and we are having the time of our lives. So good in fact was that show with Chris that I mentioned it in my wedding thank you speech when it came to thanking the groomsmen - of which Chris was one of the three. The below photo is from Metallica.com - if you look uber close you can see Chris and I in the photo. Niclas Swanlund took the photo. Chris and I hung out a lot with him on the 1998 Australian tour. Ill post about it one of these days...















Metallica
Fade To Black
Ride The Lightning


Life, it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Thing was not they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Can't stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye

Goodbye