Thanks Bill....

And Kasey

You know, I just don't feel like putting stuff up here sometimes. I have a few 80% written things about recent shows, DVD's, movies, books, etc. I just dont have the motivation.

People ask me how im going. "You doing OK??". I get it all the time. Sometimes i want to hear it. Sometimes I don't. I don't have a problem with the person saying it - they generally don't know what else to say. I wouldn't know what to say either.

What helps me is M&M's. Not the chocolate (although at times they do), but its Memories & Music.

Memories of all the good times. Memories of the things we did, places we went. Even the bad shit is a memory that at times helps - we went through it together.

Music. Well, the 4 of you who read this know about my obsessive compulsive disorder when it comes to music. And ive always escaped to music - even when there is nothing I need to escape from. I just dig it all. And lately its just a great comfort to hear certain words or a phrase in a particular song - like that songwriter knows what im going through. Not a lot of songs i listen to are about death (ok, exclude the collective works of Metallica, Slayer, Iron Maiden, Pantera, et al), but a lot of songs are about love - or in many cases the loss of love. I'm preferring the songs about love - but occasionally the ones about the loss of love are a help.

And then I heard the below Patty Griffin song, as sung by Kasey Chambers. Bill had Kasey play it at a small pub in Avoca Beach a few months ago. Kasey plays with her husband, father and bass player in her live band - they play covers and take requests for a few hours under the name Lost Dogs. Bill told me the story of them playing the song and sent me the lyrics. And man it just fucked me up. So eventually I went to the same pub and they played the song again. And im there in the front row crying like a little bitch. Lucky I hid it well. Or at least I think i hid it well.

Kasey played it again the other night. She said she was about to do a Patty Griffin song. I reached for the tissues. And then she said "this is for Adam". The tears started. The first verse is a hard one to hear. But i remember that while she was singing the song I just thought of my girl and the good memories. The good times. We never had any problems with each other. Never had an argument. Never broke up. Never slept in different beds. Even when the Amex bill came in and Yvee discovered all the books, dvds, concert tickets, cds, etc id purchased over the last month (im uber bad at hiding the evidence - even the actual item), we just never had a problem with each other. Its all good times as far as I am concerned. And these good times are what help me, even in sad times.

After the song, Paul reached around and tapped me on the shoulder. "You doing OK??" And i said yes.

Patty Griffin
"Goodbye"

Occurred to me the other day
You've been gone now a couple years
Well, I guess it takes a while
For someone to really disappear

And I remember where I was
When the word came about you
It was a day much like today
The sky was bright, and wide, and blue

And I wonder where you are
And if the pain ends when you die
And I wonder if there was
Some better way to say goodbye

Today my heart is big and sore
It's tryin' to push right through my skin
I won't see you anymore
I guess that's finally sinkin' in

'Cause you can't make somebody see
By the simple words you say
All their beauty from within
Sometimes they just look away

But I wonder where you are
And if the pain ends when you die
And I wonder if there was
Some better way to say goodbye

You Tube video